I’m : a programmer, writer, podcaster, geek, and coffee enthusiast.

Fat Ohio

I never noticed it while growing up here, but now that I’ve lived elsewhere full-time for 4 years with almost no visits, it’s clear as day.

Everyone here is fat and looks the same.

I don’t mean that to be inflammatory or insulting to fat people. It’s just an observation — a generalization based on a very prominent majority. I thought the plane’s passengers were just a bad sample group, but they accurately represented most people here.

We went to a casual restaurant for lunch. The staff was all fat. The customers were all fat. If I actually ate all of the food I was served, I’d be fat too. The portions were ridiculously huge, and the food’s composition wasn’t even trying to be reasonable — everything was fried, fatty, oily, sugary, or salty (pick any three). I ordered a Greek-style chicken wrap. How could that be unhealthy? Ohio found a way: by filling it up with thick salad dressing. It was easily 30% dressing by volume. There were no air gaps. (And someone needs to tell Ohio that a “wrap” is supposed to be small enough to be easily held in one hand.)

We walked everywhere. It looked weird because nobody walks here. (The passing drivers were all fat, too.) The sidewalks are in pristine condition because nobody has walked on them since they were paved for the most recent sterile cookie-cutter developments. They were awkwardly routed around the ultra-wide street corners, with the crosswalks 15 feet into the blocks so drivers (unfamiliar with pedestrians) might have a chance to see people crossing while they’re turning their SUVs at 30 miles per hour.

I feel like I’m in a different country.