ZOMG I’m so nervous about my first day of work tomorrow with a new company and I hope I don’t screw up and that I impress everybody and ZOMG what if they don’t like me and ZOMG what if I can’t do what they think I can do and ZOMG I don’t even know why they wanted me and ZOMG it’s a huge opportunity and ZOMG I really hope they’re not reading this.
Your first task is to find a place to put your desk in our small Manhattan office that’s already full, then assemble it using only your bare hands, a spoon, and a MetroCard. Then you need to pick up your Mac Pro and 30” monitor at the glass Apple Store and carry it back to our office without using any vehicles. Finally, you need to sign into FogBugz and resolve a small quantity of tickets (about 1400) that I haven’t been able to get to over the last few months, most of which will require live code changes. When doing that, don’t write any bugs, because you’ll break the site and cause hundreds of errors per second. Oh, and you should comment anything you see that’s not documented, which will be most of it. That should take you most of the morning. After a big pasta lunch every Monday, we have an all-team meeting that usually only lasts a few hours so we can create the action items and deliverables for the week and make sure we’ve accounted for all of our hours on the timesheets.
We start at 6 AM every day and we have a strict suit, jacket, and tie dress code. We just dressed down when you visited because we heard that’s how people dressed in Florida and we wanted to ease you into city life slowly. Oh, and we’re all members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and therefore we do not allow coffee in the office.
Can’t wait to see you bright and early tomorrow morning!